dinsdag 30 september 2014

That Real Great, Super Cool Guy - Percy Spimple
     IF HE'S NOT CRUISING FOR CHICKS, he's just hangin' or checkin' in with his peeps on maybe, like, Facebook or whatever. It doesn't matter, he's just pretty cool, you know?
     "I don't know how I got to be so great, I was just born like that," Percy explains while taking a sip of Red Bull. "Which is funny, 'cause my parents are way un-cool. But me, I'm hip and all that, like 24/7. I mean, duh, you do the math. 24/7= 3.43 (rounding up), so that's like loads of being cool."

zondag 28 september 2014

Cliff Sulphuric Acid - How to Draw Nice Bubble Gum Pictures
   IN THE EARLY YEARS OF THE 1900's, the world of art and illustration was delighted with the publication of C. Sulphuric Acid's 3 page book, "How to Draw Nice Bubble Gum Pictures". This step-by-step guide taught the beginning artist all the tricks of the trade and was lavishly illustrated with 2 full-colour examples. Now sadly out of print, it is well worth hunting down in second hand book stores and flea markets.
     The well-known comic book artist Saul T. Shaker said of the book, "I've never heard of it, but it sounds ok. Maybe a tad on the thin side, but might be neat to page through it sometime."
"Sunny Brand Gum" by Cliff Sulphuric Acid

dinsdag 23 september 2014

Knock, Knock - Who's There?
     CLIFF WAS GROWING A LITTLE IMPATIENT. He drew quickly on his cigarette and with a puff of smoke said, "Try again, and knock a little louder. You said to come over for coffee at noon, and it's already ten past."
     "Sorry about this," replied Hoffman, his knuckles rapping sharply on the cottage door. "I know I said noon, and I could have sworn I was home. Perhaps I'm busy in the back garden. The carrots are coming up and I was going to have them for supper."
     The sound of his knocking faded into the still autumn sunshine and beyond the door was nothing but silence. A crow sounded down the lane, Cliff cleared his throat and dashed his cigarette to the ground. "This is rum of you, to be sure. Invite a chum over and leave him on the doorstep. Yes, rum of you indeed."
     Hoffman turned and smiled weakly. "I'm sure I'll turn up presently. Why not I tell you a joke while we wait. You'll see - the time will fly by and soon I'll be pouring you a mug of my best, with a cream custard and lemonade afterwards."
     "Go on." Cliff loved a good joke.
     "Knock-knock," began Hoffman.
     "Who's there?" queried Cliff, his curiosity now highly aroused.
     "You who?"
     "Yoo-hoo, anybody home in there?"
     And they laughed and laughed. 

vrijdag 19 september 2014

Bernard and Colleen, With Sons Tit-Boy and Salami-John
BERNARD IS A RETIRED BED BUG, and now likes to spend his leisure time fly fishing. "I must be doing something wrong," he often complains, "I haven't caught a single fly yet." His wife Colleen likes to join him by the waterside, where she does nature studies in pencil and watercolour. She also offers her husband advice while fishing, such as, "Why not just quit already and let's go home?"
     Their two sons, Tit-Boy and Salami-John are twins, and both are studying philosophy and music at Cambridge. 

dinsdag 16 september 2014

Gaylord Pilmamount and Orbital Jelly
    "THE THING ABOUT BREAKFAST at such altitudes," remarks Gaylord, nibbling thoughtfully at his toast, "is that you mustn't open a window until after you've finished your meal. Otherwise space dust might get in and spoil your preserves. I once chipped a tooth on an asteroid that settled on my marmalade and it was rather painful. There's a number of top-notch tooth-men on the moon of course, but still - it's best to let in the air between meals. An hour either side of luncheon works for me"
     Nibble, nibble.

zaterdag 13 september 2014

Tucked Up Neatly - Deidre on the Divan
     I SUPPOSE IT WAS nearly quarter past three when I scuttled into the parlour and noticed Deidre staring dreamily into the mesmeric glow of the reading lamp. She had eaten her book and was passing the time by slowly trying to damage her eyesight in the glare of the dancing flame.
     "Oh, go up to bed!" I shouted. My harsh outburst was startling in the nocturnal solitude, but yelling was necessary, as Deidre had eaten her other book the previous evening and had spent the remainder of the night slowly damaging her hearing by sticking hatpins in her ears. 
     "What a woman", I remember thinking as I walloped her one and scuttled out again.