dinsdag 16 december 2014

A Spoonful of Spittle, a St. Horace Original
     "WHO'S SPITTLE IT IS, is less important then the spoon you take it with", according to Doctor Smede of St. Horace near Upper Wychwood. "Any old mucus will do, as long as the spoon is first thoroughly cleansed and rendered germ-free and hygienic. Taken twice daily, it's certain to reduce stooping and constriction of the back, lower back and shoulders".
     Pictured above is Pembrook Plumb (a patient of Dr. Smede) who is currently taking the spit cure for life-long stoop and slumping, shuffling gait.
     "It works great," beams Plumb, "I've never stood straighter. And you know - I'm starting to really develop a taste for spittle. Now when I hear someone clearing their throat in the street, I actually start getting hungry."

woensdag 10 december 2014

The Ballad of
Flamingo Rose

He loved a lass,
his Flamingo Rose
with her sick, skinny legs
and beak-like nose

With her soft pink hair,
like a summer's dawn
her putrid breath,
rancid eel and prawn

Now every eve
he goes to sea
crying, "Flamingo Rose!
Return to me!"

"Return to me,
I'll fricassee thee!

by John L. Blick,
noted poet and
poultry cook

dinsdag 9 december 2014

The Neat Little World of Hywel Rhys
     YOUNG MISTER RHYS IS HAPPY - and what makes young mister Rhys so happy? Beer makes young mister Rhys so happy, as does his rather cheerful wave of "Hello!".
     Being neat and tidy also makes young Hywel a happy chap. "One can never begin too early with tidying-up, you know," he confided in me once, "and the results are worth their weight in soap and feather dusters."
     He's made it his habit to keep it all neat. He makes his bed while still lying in it, washes his plate while still eating ("take a bite and clean that portion, and you're done with the washing-up before you know it"), and his artistry during bowel movements is a thing of beauty. "Carefully wiping the crevice in a clock-wise direction after every inch or so - and at the end of it, you're left with practically no mess at all."